This is categorized as humour, but maybe it shouldn’t be, because this is all true story. Unfortunately. The meeting (see below) is in two hours, and you can just imagine just how creative and eloquent I’m going to be.
23:15 – Drink a nice big cup of nice strong black tea. With cheesecake. Mmmm….
00:00 – Think that it is time to go to bed because I have an important meeting tomorrow afternoon.
01:12 – No, really!
01:46 – Go to bed. Alarm set for 08:00.
02:11 – Hmm, it’s taking me longer than usual to fall asleep tonight.
02:13 – Okay, sleep already.
02:16 – SLEEP!!!!
02:58 – I relax my muslces one by one… I am perfectly relaxed… My arms and legs are getting heavy and warm… My torso is getting heavy and warm… My whole body is heavy and warm… I am going to sleep…. sleep…. sleeeeeeeep…… sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep…..
03:17 – Okay, that didn’t work.
03:22 – I once read about people with an extremely rare disorder. Their brain suddenly decides that one of their body part is not theirs. They actually wake up in the morning and feel someone’s leg is in their bed. They get terrified, try to throw it out and end up following it to the floor. Then, to their utter shock, they discover that this foreign strange leg is actually attached to them! I think I’m close to feeling that. I’m hyperaware of all my body parts and their tiniest movements, and they feel like jiggelty-jiggling rainbow-coloured creepy-crawlies shifting quanticary waves through the paradygmuses of omnipermeating zephyrous marshmallows. Aka extremely weird.
03:23 – I am also hyperaware of all the squeaks and creaks in the house. *startled* Was that a burglar?! *listen intently*
03:33 – No, I think it’s not a burglar.
03:52 – “ZzzzZzzzZZZzzzz…..” “ZZZZzzzzzZzzzzzZZz…” “ZzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzZZZZzz… No, that’s not my snoring (I wish). That’s my boyfriend’s. It’s not very loud, but since the tiniest noise puts me in full alert mode (the opposite of shut-eye mode), it really bothers me. *give bf a good shove to get him to stop snoring*
03:53 -*another shove*
03:54 – *another shove*
03:55 – *another shove* Bf wakes up and asks me wtf I’m doing.
04:00 – Bf kindly goes away to sleep on a couch downstairs. Awww, he’s so considerate. Maybe this will help me fall asleep?
04:11 – Nope. Twist and turn. Reset alarm for 09:00.
04:17 – *chirp* *chirp* *chirpity-chirp-chirp-chirp!* Blasted blimey birds! There are a lot of them in that huge tree outside, and they are obnoxiously loud. And apparently 04:17 is their idea of “time to get up”. This neighbourhood needs more cats.
04:18 – Pull pillow over head to drown out bird noises. The noises disappear but this is a kinda uncomfortable position.
04:19 – Assume another position. It is comfortable, but bird noises leak through. Revert to the 04:18 position.
05:00 – Come on, by this time my worst insomnias usually tire me out enough to make me sleepy!
05:15 – Get up. Heck, I’m not even sleepy! Work to prepare for the important afternoon meeting.
06:58 – The meeting preparation is complete and I am feeling just a leeeltle bit drowsy. Let’s try this whole bed thing again. Reset alarm for 10:00.
07:07 – Come on!
07:28:53 – Yes… yes, I can feel it. Oh, yeah, baby! I’m coming! I’m com… AHEM! I mean, I’m falling asleep! My legs and arms do start feeling kind of heavy and relaxed! I’m drifting off… drifting off… In five seconds I will be entering the blissful realm of Morpheus!
07:28:57 – “Hey there! Get up. Your mom’s here!” Argh! Yes, she was coming over this morning since our place is on her way to work (don’t ask).
07:31 – “Hey daughter! Why are you still in bed? You told me you would be up by 7:30!” *grumble something back and turn away*
07:58 – The voices downstairs die down. Door slams. Bye, mommy.
08:19 – Who are these people in my bedroom? And why am I so worried about a high school algebra exam in the afternoon? I am not even in school anymore… Oh, wait! I’m asleep! ASLEEP! That’s awesome! At least I’ll get a couple of hours of snoozing in. Better than nothing.
08:24 – “Hey! Aren’t you getting up?! I thought you had important things to do today!” My boyfriend knows I tend to oversleep sometimes. How kind of him to make sure I don’t miss my meeting. *grump!*
08:55 – I think the people are back in my bedroom. I must be asleep again. Good night.
10:00 – *ring!* *ring!* And good morning! Go pour myself some black tea to fully wake up and face the day!
Tags: bed, falling asleep, insomnia, night, noise, sleep, snoring, waking up
30 June, 2008 at 11:46 am
I’ve gone through this same agony with dark chocolate late in the evening. My sympathies.